BALTIC CONTEMPORARIES
Sander Mölder
FOUNDING PARTNER LHV Bank
Creative Direction & Production
Silver Mikiver
Created in collaboration with LHV Bank
Veronika Veskimets, Anni Metsak
Special thanks
Erik D. Reiff, Black Cat White Cat Music
Series developed by Silver Mikiver
TRACE Original ©
How consciously have you shaped your own life?
Spontaneity is a very large part of my life. I have done more and analyzed less, and as a result things have simply happened. There have been phone calls and meetings that somehow led to the next projects. Very little of what I have done has been clearly planned. The one thing I have kept somewhere in the back of my mind is to keep moving around and to stay active myself, so that things can happen. If I were at home all the time, less would happen.
I struggled with very severe anxiety through most of my twenties. It came precisely from having an ideal in my head of who I was supposed to be, while not being honest with myself about who I really was, what my strengths were, and what I genuinely wanted. I was living toward some kind of ideal, and the disappointments were quite exhausting. I let go of that around 2017 or 2018.
I remember quite clearly when the change happened. I thought: I am who I am, and I will do things the way I know how and the way I want to. That has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is that, in a sense, you become free of that pressure. But by now it has also created this feeling in me: I have moved so spontaneously precisely because I let go of that ideal. Now I feel I need to turn the dial back a little. Sometimes you need to know more precisely what your goal is so that you can make your decisions more consciously.
What does living courageously mean to you?
I do not feel that I live courageously. All the things I have mentioned are connected. I feel that I sometimes lack the courage to take a more definite step - either to decline something or to accept it. But my philosophy does not allow me to do that. I am very open to everything, and if I were to limit that, it would create a conflict for me. That prevents me from being very decisive, because decisiveness would somehow be restrictive. For that reason, I also do not develop a very clear will - a firm sense of "I want to do this" or "I want things to be this way." I basically do not get that feeling. That is why I do not feel this is one hundred percent courageous living. The spontaneity is wonderful, but sometimes it feels as though I need a direction of my own; that would give me more courage.
How do you begin walking your own unique path?
Do not wait. Just go for it. Whatever the idea or ambition may be, the easiest thing is to start acting immediately and analyze it later. That can bring complications with it too, but it seems to me that if you feel your path goes left from here, then go left.
When I was younger, money at one point meant success, or it confirmed that I had achieved something if I had money. Now I feel glad that I have gained a certain freedom through having a little more security. Perhaps money now means, above all, being able to change the conditions of life - being able to create more comfortable circumstances for myself and the people close to me. That matters more now. Perhaps success in general is being able to remain in this process, and having a little money makes it possible to do so.
I am incredibly grateful that this is possible and that I can wake up every day and go make music. It is amazing.
What drew you to music?
At first, it was a fairly unambitious pursuit - more like inertia. I started out singing in a boys' choir, then I began playing the cello, and after that I formed a band and spent a year as its drummer. I still cannot really play the drums very well, but at the time, being in a rock band seemed cool. I was actually "fired" from it because I became more interested in drum and bass, and from there things somehow kept moving forward. I also began producing quite early on - experimenting with a computer. Toward the end of secondary school, I briefly considered architecture. The thought crossed my mind once. I am still very interested in facades and different design solutions, but at that point, when I was finishing school, there was never really any question of my doing something else. The path presented itself quite clearly. I had already made a few successful records with a couple of bands, and I simply continued moving forward on that momentum.
If I think about the form this has taken by now, what drives me most today is a kind of curiosity about life in general, and about music in the broadest possible sense: how to mix completely different things, how to put them together, how technology affects music, or how to put your emotions into music. It is like a bottomless well, and that is what is so wonderful about this art form. It is probably the same in other creative fields, but I feel that I can keep satisfying my curiosity for the rest of my life. There is always something new. You travel somewhere and discover that there is so much music you did not know about or had never truly felt before. So let us call this ambition more of a curiosity about all of it.
Do you have a character trait that has supported your success?
One of the main traits that comes naturally to me is that I am quite naive; I do not form preconceptions about things, whether about people or possibilities. For example, just this past weekend I had an event where I was asked to combine medieval music with a "rave." I tried to sketch out in my mind what that might be and how people might have danced at the time. That is the curiosity that arises in me: I had no preconception that it could not be done or that I would not do it. I am very open to things. That often brings all sorts of complications into my life too, and perhaps people with whom things would not otherwise work out.
I feel that now I am moving more toward depth than volume. At least, my own wish or intention is that, while this naivety has so far created a situation in which I have done many different things, I increasingly miss or long for the chance to take one subject, one field, one narrow topic, and go three steps deeper. Over the course of my twenty-year "career," I have tried a great many different things musically. I have written ballets, worked in pop and folk and done all kinds of different projects.
Now I feel that I am looking for something I can dig into more deeply, to see what it has to offer at a deeper level.
What has kept you on your path?
Curiosity has kept me in music, and it is why I have not really been able to drift elsewhere. Ten or fifteen years ago, there was a period when I directed almost more of my energy toward the organizational side of things, although it was still connected with music. I realised quite quickly that I was fairly bad at it or, more precisely, that there were people who were considerably better. After that, I brought music back into focus quite quickly. For me, the role of curiosity is that I leave room for whatever I discover along my path - for surprise and spontaneity. I feel that this suits me because I do not know exactly where I will be musically in five years, but I do know that I will keep creating and moving toward greater depth. That means longer-form works, because when you take on a subject, it often has a million different facets, and you need some way to convey and manage them.